Simple Sunday

Long time, no post, yes I know.  This week was simply ridiculous and overall not so great.  A few big stress-out sessions here and there and lots of tears made up the majority of my days. Thanks grad school... Today at church, the pastor was talking to the kids during children's sermon about how the doughnut he was holding, (usually a fluffy, sweet, and wonderful thing) had been squished and shaken up all morning since too many people unknowingly mishandled it and now was not quite itself.  He talked about how sometimes we as people go through the same thing and I thought "I hear ya buddy, big-time."  Lately I feel pressure/ major stress pushing in on all sorts of areas from all sorts of people (even people who do so unintentionally) and I was turning into that squished up doughnut.  I don't like what stress does to me, not one bit, and am constantly praying for strength and guidance with that.

But, I'm back, with a realization that I can do small things to make things these last few weeks a little more manageable and actually enjoyable at times (I hate not wanting to get up in the morning because all I get to look forward to is being overwhelmed by grad school and what not.  I'm burning out quick and I feel like my brain may have reached capacity and that sometimes a few hours of work and I don't even make sense to myself...).  I made a commitment to this degree and goal and there's no backing down now, especially when the finish line is less 3 weeks away.  However, I've come to the realization that going day by day, dealing with what is important to ME at that time is what matters at this point.  Sure it sounds selfish, but honestly, I'm at the survival point for the next 15 or so days.  So again, be patient with me, you'll get your darling Dana back soon enough.  :)  

So now that that's out, let me share with you some recent simple joys that help me pull myself up by the bootstraps and keep on trucking....

1.  The game you probably watched on T.V. today too.  Fifa Women's World Cup Final.  These chicks are LEGIT athletes.  I have pretty much no athletic skill, and just watching them leaves me in awe. Abby Wambach and her headers are pretty much the most awesome thing ever.  My parents put me in softball, soccer, volleyball, all that when I was little but when I was doing cartwheels in left field or told my dad that "soccer was silly because you just chased the same ball back and forth" they decided to stop pushing the issue. Yes I cheered in high school, but seriously, that's not really a sport.  And I played intramurals in college, but mainly just to meet the numbers and give Brett a good laugh.   These chicks show some serious dedication and ability and plain out rock!  Go USA! 

 

2. Sonic Happy Hour.  It takes place at the time of day when I seem most in a grad school funk/ brain block and allows me just the right amount of break time with a little "reward" built right in. :)  

  

3.  3 new Essie nail polishes.  I discovered these bad boys through another blog I follow and have since been loving giving myself manicures.  As often as I chip my polish or change my mind on the color I can't afford to have them professionally done. ;)  One of my 25@25 is to stop biting/ peeling my nails.  Nasty habit, trust me I know, but one that was hard to break since I've been doing it since I was a little bitty.  However, I think I have finally 9 months later accomplished this goal.  I only peel my nail if it is breaking now, and can probably nix that with just having a file on hand.   My new vitamins have made my nails 10 times stronger and having a great polish color on them makes me 10 times less likely to mess with them.  Plus, I can do my nails and work on my laptop at the same time. The left one is "pop art pink", the middle is "neo whimsical" and the right is "tart deco".   (p.s. I know I promised a post on the 25@25 deal but there are a few things on there I'm not quite ready to justify just yet.  Let me make it through grad school first.)

4. Chicken Express.  I bet those super awesome soccer girls never eat this stuff.  I don't do fast food very often, and am super picky about it when I do, but Chicken Express rocks my socks off when I'm needing a good fried chicken tender and corn nuggets fix.  Their tea and biscuits are awesome too and who doesn't love some tasty comfort food.  When the lady in the Oreo commercial says "Shut the front door!"  pretty much describes how I felt today eating this deliciousness. :)

5. Getting to spend quality time with my Daddy yesterday while he and the hubs did some carpentry work on a piece of furniture.   He's a bit of a work-a-holic overachiever like myself so we both get pretty busy and miss out on time with each other.  He's a pretty smart guy who gives some pretty good advice. :)

6. Taking a grad school break to clean out the guest rooms with the hubs.  Sure we argued a bit about what to keep/ toss, my finger got smashed, and his idea of decor might not match mine, but I love spending time with him.  He was amazed how much scrapbooking stuff I still have that I have not used in years or plan to get to in years, but didn't push the issue on going through it right this minute, just made room for them in his hunting closet.  I didn't make him narrow down his basketballs or hunting stuff though either so we are getting better at compromising.  However, he couldn't refrain from commenting on the 3, yes 3 plastic storage tubs full of stuff I want to do for my classroom.  He even let me keep the trash bag full of empty plastic bottles after I thoroughly explained how this particular kind was the best choice for a sweet word work or number search center.  What a sweetie. :)   He was amazed I have all these good ideas in my brain, all the materials bought and in boxes, and hadn't touched a lick of it.  Again, thanks grad school.  Once I get back into the swing of things, classroom ideas are easily on the top of the list.

7. Looking forward to a few things.  

- A weekend at lake LBJ with the extented in-law family.   I'm bringing stuff for smores and Skipbo. :)

- The upcoming birth of a dear friend's baby boy.

- Twinks coming to visit and helping me go through my closet like we did yearly at UT.   Naturally some of our old school faves like Fergie, Brittney, Cory, Pat, and the likewise will be joining us via Pandora Radio. We'll probably bake too and hopefully nothing ends up on the floor. ;)

- Convincing my mom to take me shopping for some back to school clothes.  Yes, I'm 25.  Yes my mom still spoils me occasionally.  Yes, I love it. :)

- Getting into my classroom and getting it all set up.  It doesn't stress me out, I love doing it, I just don't have the time yet. :(   I wish I could do it this week, but I have GOT to do grad school instead.  No choice there. 

- Deciding if I want to cut all my hair off in the coming weeks.  I'm thinking I want something like this but my hair is thin and I have a way bigger forehead than she does so I'm not quite convinced I can pull it off yet.  Naturally I'm considering highlights too but thats another financial commitment this cheapo might not want to make. 

And that my friends, is the random post as I watch the last few minutes of the World Cup and dread the paper I have to write when it is over.  It's coming down to penalty kicks again and not looking so good...

Graduate School Grief

Remember when I told you this blog was to be an "honest" place, where I get to share all kinds of emotions brought on by life?  Well friends, here's the awful truth of my life right now. 


I hate graduate school.  


Not just am irritated by it, or over it, but physically despise it with every bone in my body. Especially my tailbone which is soooo not used to sitting for hours on end and is also feeling the effects of grad school. I go to sleep dreading it, wake up in the middle of the night worried about it, and literally go crazy during the day if I don't step away from it for at least a minute, even if it is just to make a sandwich.  Yesterday Brett came home early from work and the first thing he said was "Are you still in your pajamas?" Yes, it is that bad.  Why get a second pair of clothes dirty if I am practically chained to this house and my laptop? That just makes for more laundry that I don't have time to do.  My poor friends are suffering too, one of the besties calls to do stuff all the time and I wish so bad that I could take her up on it, especially since she is due to have a baby in 4 weeks and then things are really gonna get nuts, but I can't. :(  If I do too much "fun" I don't get things done. I know the word hate is very intense, (I once had a student tell me I said a bad word when I told another kiddo "I would hate to have to ask you to pull your color."), but I feel so strongly that I think it describes the emotion better than any other word I can think of except maybe bitterness.  

This is what Kirby does all day while I do Grad school.  Cuddle and keep me company, or bring me dirty socks to throw for her.  (Give her a break, dirty socks are easy for a blind dog to sniff out)

Not gonna lie, I am currently very bitter about the whole situation because I have worked so hard and run myself into the ground the past 16 months working on this degree full time, teaching full time, and just keeping up with everyday life.  If I was going to be able to actually DO something with it at the end of the program that would be different, but the decisions made by the Texas government certainly are not on the side of education for the next few years so it is just something to hang on the wall and hope to use like 5- 10 years from now, maybe.  This was not at all the case when I got the crazy idea to start this adventure way back in the fall of 2009 (counting GRE classes, application time, and waiting for a partial scholarship to pull through), so that shows you how fast the government can change things in life. 

Sako, on the other hand, stares obsessively out our bedroom window until a bird or squirrel catches her eye and then barks at the back door until I let her out.  All. Day. Long. 

Plus, it is summer, heaven on earth for teachers, and although I have done fun things, let me fill you in on a secret behind those as well.  I had to do graduate school from our campsite in Arkansas, and last year on vacation in DC.  Projects were due and even though I tried to get ahead before we left, summer grad school is like 15 weeks of work crammed into 4 weeks, so it is a constant thing.  The poor hubs had to drive me to a resort 45 minutes away so I could log onto the Internet to turn things in, and that's not counting the hours he fished alone while I was one-on-one with my lovely purple laptop.  That thing is literally attached to me 24/7, maybe I should name it? 

Occasionally, one will antagonize the other until a wrestling match like this or tug of war with previously mentioned dirty socks takes place.  

Whew, now that I got that venting session through with, let's turn this into a positive post after all.  Seriously, how am I supposed to push through these last two classes and portfolio if I don't have a list of things to look forward to?


Here's the rundown 
- My portfolio is due on July 18th. 
- My last 2 classes are officially OVER on August 2nd. 
- Graduation is on August 6th.  (I don't think I am going.  I'd much rather be at the beach. I've given graduate school my life recently, it doesn't get to steal another weekend.  With gas, a hotel room, and the cost of a cap, gown, and masters hood thing, I could probably get something way cuter that I could wear much more often. ;)  Plus, there is no way anything could EVER top my bachelor's graduation from UT Austin, so why even try.  I'll always be a longhorn, never a bearcat. ;) ) 
- I go back to work on the 15th technically, but knowing my OCDness with my classroom and how excited my team gets I bet I'm back in my classroom on August 3rd at the latest.  Getting a room ready for 22+ 5-year olds and their parents is loads of work, no matter how many times you have done it.  Plus, I am planning some of the first few weeks of thematic stuff so I have to get on it asap, but can't even look at that pile yet. 
- School starts on August 22nd and that is always a very tough and exhausting week for everyone, but also signals the start of a new bond with new kiddos.  


So when I have time to breathe, here is what I am looking forward to....
- Crossing more things of my 25 at 25 list.  (I'll fill you in on all that later) But, things include; baking and decorating cookies, organizing my closet(s), writing heartfelt thank you cards to people from my past who have made a difference in who I am today, sewing, finding a church Brett and I both agree on, and creating picture books. 
- Having 1 full time job rather than 2. :) 
- Getting crafty.  I have a few big projects in mind. :) 
- Spending quality, not rushed, time with my friends and all their babies since so many now have them.  (I'm talking two and four legged babies) 
- Sitting at the beach, reading my nook without the nagging thought that I should be reading my textbook instead. 
- Getting really good at giving myself manicures and pedicures. 
- Deep cleaning my house (it hasn't been done really good in awhile due to grad school, I'll admit it...) 
- Going to and watching movies. 
- learning about pinterest (I've gotten a few invites and heard it is fabulous!) 
- Getting new fun things done for my classroom, many of which involve pulling out my cricut.
- Starting to redo the guest bedrooms. 
- Watching Nate Berkus in the morning to assist with the redo of said bedrooms.
- Making a point to get up and walk EVERY morning. 
-Making all kinds of lists and crossing things off them.  To do lists, to organize lists, things I think the hubs should buy me from Lisa Leonards online or Vera Bradley to surprise me sometimes lists. ;) 
- Listening to Pandora on the "big speakers" in the living room while doing many of the above items and possibly breaking into a happy dance once in a while. 
- Going to Starbucks with my mom.  :)  

and sooooo much more. 


In conclusion, (My 8th grade teacher taught me how to close an essay properly ;) )  I know this degree will be worth it all and I will be able to be super proud of the accomplishment.  I KNOW this, it is just hard to push through at times, and writing about it gives me a chance to vent, get recharged, and get my head back in the game. 


I just have to make it through this last hurdle which is easier said than done.  
Prayers for strength these next few weeks as well as patience with me are greatly appreciated. :)