Good Mom & Week 2

"This is the start, this is your heart,

    this is the day you were born.

This is the sun, these are your lungs,

this is the day you were born.

And I am always yours…" ~ Switchfoot 

The first time I heard this song I was 9 months pregnant with little man and felt a huge surge of emotions and immediately connected it to how much I will always treasure him.

Tucker at 2 weeks in his camo with his buck. :) 

Snuggling his bear. 

I have loved Tucker from the moment that little stick said pregnant and could not wait until he arrived and I became a mom.  It is something I had dreamt about for a very long time and just knew I would be good at since I love kids and have quite a bit of experience with them. I planned every single little detail out and arranged for things to be just so to give him the best start possible in every area we could. 


But, in real life, being a new mom is hard. Really hard. It is physically draining, emotionally exhausting, and extremely overwhelming. It is certainly super rewarding and one of those things that is worth all the blood, sweat, and tears.  But, I have never felt this many emotions at once and no amount of planning could have ever prepared me for it.   Thanks hormones.  


The hardest part for me is how often you question if you are doing everything you can to be "a good mom".  You worry about every little thing and even catch yourself rocking/shaking your hands at night when he is doing his "sleep fussing that lasts 5 seconds as he goes into REM sleep" in his bassinet since that's how you usually calm him even though you aren't holding him.  You wonder if you need to get a new brand of diapers since he keeps peeing up the back of these or if the bottles you are using are the reason he has been tooting more at night. The list of things that you are constantly questioning your choices and actions about goes on and on...


Last week I struggled with an immense amount of pain feeding on one side and flu like symptoms  on top of being exhausted and was diagnosed with mastitis.  Mastitis is basically a painful infection in your breast that comes with fever, chills, nausea, excessive fatigue, and some major pain.  I was put on antibiotics, motrin, and instructed to rest but be certain to continue to feed on that side often since that is the best way to relieve some of the pressure. As I nursed him that night I cried and cried and felt like the worst mom in the entire world.  I was trying so hard to do so good for him in every area, and felt like I was letting him down since I couldn't seem to do things the way the "books" or other people said I should. 


Yesterday I finally let the "am I doing everything I can to be a good mom?" worry that I have been struggling with like crazy go.  I finally came to peace with a lot of the concerns I have and realized that at the end of the day, as long as Tucker is happy, healthy, and loving life, and Brett and I are happy, healthy, and loving life, then I have done my job. Since we live in a world full of choices, opinions, and judgments in every single aspect of raising a child, we often overly worry about doing things "right" and I have come to recognize that you have got to do things in the way that is "right" for you and your family. There will always be someone who thinks that X is a better way to parent than Y, and instead of worrying about it, I am going to embrace the fact that I do have choices and we will do what is best for our little family as we go along. This goes from our decision for me to go back to work at 5 weeks and 2 days all the way down to what brand of wipes we prefer.  


As I struggled with things this week, I did realize how lucky I am to have such awesome girlfriends who have been there and can relate and recognize the importance of a good cry or an hour away just to breathe. I love and appreciate yall so very much! 


I have a pretty good husband too, who has stepped up to the plate and helped out/ supported me more than I originally thought he would.  He might not know what to say to make it all better sometimes, since he's not one with words, but his actions speak louder anyways. 1220 Brett Haby.


Now that that's out and I feel so much better… 

Notes on this week for Tucker when he is older

- Daddy calls you "little tator".


- Sako is much more interested in you and loves to lay her head next to you when Daddy is playing with you. 

- Your umbilical cord stump fell off.

- You started going on walks with mommy to the mailbox in the sling.

- You had a bad bout of the dry & peely baby skin on your hands and feet. 


- You have outgrown a few of your newborn outfits already. 

- You still have your days and nights confused and slept through mommy rubbing an ice cube on your foot to wake you up for a late afternoon feeding. 


- You like when mommy reads to you.  Especially Goodnight Moon. 

- You are starting to try and focus on toys we wave in front of you. 

- You started taking expressed milk from a bottle and eat 4 ounces and act like you are still famished.  Hence your big ole' belly. 

- When you play with Daddy in the evenings he has you root for the Spurs and works on your "pitching arm".


- You grunt all the time. You must be talkative like mommy and stubborn like Daddy.


- When you poop, you make a big ordeal out of it and it's usually heard by everyone in the room.


- You went to your first big family function and slept the whole time except to eat. 


- You met a lot more new people including the entire Mangold side of the family, your Dunford cousins, your great grandma and grandpa Arnold, mommy's school friends and lots of "Aunties".  They all love you so much already! 

- You got packages in the mail from extended family in Wisconsin who love you too. 


- Your great grandma Pomerening started your education fund.  We have to start saving for that UT degree now. ;) 


- You flex your toes a lot and it looks like you give a thumbs up with your big toe a lot of the time. 


- Mommy calls you "Yertle the Turtle" since when we take you out of your car seat you have your whole body curled up but stick your head out as far as you can and throw it back to stretch your neck. 


- Your mommy got your name necklace so she can always keep you close to her heart even when you are far apart. 

- Your social security card and birth certificate came in the mail. 


- Grandpa Dan came to spend some quality time with you and even gave you a bottle. He also brought your mommy beautiful striped red roses. 

We love you T man!