"So Small"

This is my first post in a long time, and I promise there is good reason for that.  We have had a lot going on at the Haby house and are going through a lot of changes, some big and some small, and I'll get to that…

Me and Brett at our 1st Christmas together 9 years ago as high school seniors. We look so young!

Driving home today Carrrie Underwood's song "So Small" came on and it literally brought me to tears.  Maybe it has to do with my raging hormones, but I just felt the lyrics speaking to me.  (Does that ever happen to you? It happens to me ALL the time, which could be why I love lyrics so very much)  If you are not a Carrie fan shame on you or just can't recall the song, here it is. 

"What you got if you ain't got love

the kind that you just want to give away

It's okay to open up

go ahead and let the light shine through

I know it's hard on a rainy day

you want to shut the world out and just be left alone

But don't run out on your faith

[Chorus]

'Cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand

What you've been up there searching for

forever is in your hands

When you figure out love is all that matters after all

It sure makes everything else 

seem so small

[Verse 2]

It's so easy to get lost inside

a problem that seems so big at the time

it's like a river thats so wide

it swallows you whole

While you sit around thinking about what you can't change

and worrying about all the wrong things

time's flying by

moving so fast

you better make it count 'cause you can't get it back

[Chorus]

Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand

What you've been up there searching for

forever is in your hands

When you figure out love is all that matters after all

It sure makes everything else 

Seem so small

Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand

What you've been up there searching for

forever is in your hands

When you figure out love is all that matters after all

It sure makes everything else 

Oh it sure makes everything else 

Seem so small"

This song pretty much describes how I feel about life at times, especially this summer. Overall I consider myself a fairly quite person who only opens up to those I'm close to and comfortable with and it kind of takes awhile to get to know me because I have got to feel you out first.  Sure I'm bubbly, but I'm always taking it all in and analyzing everything, and I mean everything.  Relaxing is not a word I am familiar with and I am trying to learn to apply that concept in life.  As I've worked through the learning to "Let Go and Let God" 25 @ 25 goal, I have been better about praying on it and handing big things over to him, knowing he has got a plan, but I need to apply that concept to the little things too.  

This summer I felt awful pretty much 94% of the time.  This had to do with a combination of an overwhelming amount of grad school, morning sickness, and overall stress with too many things pushing in at once.  I basically wanted to crawl into a hole and just survive the next few weeks which is pretty much exactly what I did.  In my mind, it was hard to see through the storm, my own personal storm which seemed like nothing to an outsider looking in but was raging in my world, and almost every day was a "rainy day".  It was 2 months of "a river so big that it swallows you whole" and there were many hours wasted on stressing about about things I couldn't change in all the situations.  

Then today, it hit me out of nowhere that "the mountain I've been climbing was just a grain of sand" and what I've "been up there searching for is forever in my hands".  I am now completely done with graduate school and have a master's degree in library science.  I worked very hard to get it and spent the past 14 months pushing myself to the limit to do so.  Now that it is over and I never have to think or complain about it ever again, I can finally look back and reflect on it.  It seemed so overwhelming at the time, in the midst of it all, but it was just another path in the road God designed for me.  And you know what, at the end of the day, even though I am glad I have it, that expensive diploma hanging on the wall really doesn't matter.  The fact that I am beyond blessed with a plethora of beautiful, loving, and amazing people surrounding me is what really matters. 

I have a husband who I adore and appreciate more than words can describe.  He may not be my entire world, but he certainly is the sun that lights it up and keeps it spinning.  I have parents that love me deeply, constantly, and entirely as well as siblings and nieces and nephews whom I love.  Lucky me, I also have a second family of fabulous in-laws packed with parents who love me like a daughter, brothers who welcome me as a sister, and a sister-in-law who is easily the sister I never had and one of my most treasured friends.  My extended family is awesome as well and are the strongest people I know, especially my aunt Dawn, uncle Mickey, and grandmas.  I love you all so very much, even if I don't say it as much as I should.  Let's not forget my two furry, four-legged babies and the sweet gift growing inside me right now that I know I will love with more intensity than I ever though possible. 

Take it to the next level and I have some pretty awesome friends who I can not see for months and then pick up with like we had never been apart. I also work with great people and truly love my job, which makes earning a paycheck 10 billion times more enjoyable.  Even the little things like the fact that I have a nice roof over my head and plenty to eat are blessings that I sometimes forget to count. 

My world is full of love and now that I've figured out that "love is all that matters after all"  all the things that seem scary or overwhelming to me right now really are "so small".

Since that was a dozy of a long post let me sum up the changes/ recent occurrences for you.

* My husband started a brand new job this week. 

* I am done with grad school forever! :) High five for me!

* We spent a nice long weekend at the coast to celebrate the above two things. :)

* Summer is over. :( I can't be too sad about this because I never really had a break, but still.

* I get 22 maybe more like 24 brand new kiddos in my class in a little over a week.  Scary and exciting all at once.  I am already having the back to school nightmares and have spent days in my classroom organizing EVERYTHING.  

* We are starting to shop for daycares.  Apparently you have to get on a waiting list months before the baby is born so ANY guidance in this area would be greatly appreciated. 

* I'm over morning sickness, but the doctor told me that the back/ tailbone/ round ligament pain I am experiencing is going to be bad/ get even worse for me due to a slight medical issue.  Lovely.  The things we mommies go through for our kiddos. ;) 

* Our AC is broken. Not not cooling broken, the guy put a "patch" on it while we order parts/ determine how much needs to be replaced, but it is likely to stop cooling pretty quick here.

* The door handle on our car is broken too.  To get out of the car we have to leave it running, roll down the window, open the door by reaching out and opening it from the outside, roll the window back up, and then turn off the car.  Ghetto much?  

* We find out the baby's gender on August 31st.  Brett and my mom think girl and I am kinda thinking boy.  KIND OF, like 48% of me thinks girl and 52% thinks boy.  I'm a pretty intuitive person; I told Brett I knew I was pregnant about 6 days after conception, way before a test would show it, and was right!  I would truly be happy and beyond blessed with either gender so maybe thats why I am not having any real intuitive feelings.  Brett says as long as they are healthy, happy, can throw a ball, cast a fishing pole, and shoot a gun, we've got a winner. ;)  I think being able to read a book and being nice are plusses too…

* I have a hair appointment at 11:45 tomorrow.  I still don't know if I am going to cut it all off… I have reached "mermaid hair" status which was another goal on my 25 @ 25.  I am sick of blow drying/ straightening it all though. It takes forever when it is this long and considering I am not going to be able to just ponytail it like I did all summer starting on Monday, I better have a plan.  Also it is naturally curly as you can see in the opening picture and when it this long the curl is just a stretched out nasty mess rather than cute so I pretty much have to straighten it.  Brett said he thinks it might make me look 12 if it is short, so it might be a game time decision when I get in the stylist chair.  Here is the current length.

* My mommy took me shopping for some new clothes.  I went through my closet to see what fit and what didn't and realized that even though I'm not showing too much, this baby is starting to give me hips and a butt which I have never really had before.  I also can't button even my way low rise pants and have invested in a Bella Band to try and drag a few more things out. I've only gained one or two pounds thus far (16.5 weeks in) so it's not just that I'm already getting fat…   Destination maternity has the baby belly things that you strap on to see what stuff will fit like when you get farther along and my mom and I had fun with that. ;)